God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
either way he was missing a nipple.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
