haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
