so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
