I want to have your abortion
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
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