He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
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