Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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