No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
