I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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