If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
