I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
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