I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
