He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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