Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
