Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
