I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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