Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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