I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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