I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
If I die, sorry about rent.
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