She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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