he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
