Plan B is the new Plan A
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
