You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
