Me. At least after what I've been through.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
