I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I want to make a zoo with you.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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