Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
