we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
