It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
