all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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