One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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