Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
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