i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Randomize
