I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Randomize
