we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
