Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
