it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
