So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I need to calm my uterus...
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Randomize
