Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
