my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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