I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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