Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
