So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
