I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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