He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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