Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
