Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
It's never too late to be topless.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
