a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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