I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
