Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
