so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
