she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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