I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
