He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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