There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Oh god it's open bar.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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