don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
