Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
If that was your dad, he is hot
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
