Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Holy shit dude........stairs
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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